Lyrics Bart Baker – Stitches Parody
Text:
Shawn Mendes:
I am pretty and 17
I have no clue what heartbreak even means
But I made this song about it
What was that?
It felt like I just got punched
Mysterious voice:
Your Ex-Girlfriend sent me to kick your butt!
She said make sure he needs to get stitched up
Shawn Mendes:
That hurts!
She took this song too literally
I meant stitches metaphorically
Wasn’t it enough that she left me?
Now she wants me to bleed
Who is that hitting me?
Mysterious voice:
Here’s a clue
I say «You can’t see me!»
I wrestle men in big arenas
Shawn Mendes:
Um, are your John Cena?
John Cena:
Yep!
Shawn Mendes:
What did I do to deserve this?
John Cena:
On her birthday you got her nothing you dick!
Instead you got yourself this car!
Shawn Mendes:
I needed to look more badass
John Cena:
And that’s why I’m kicking your ass!
Shawn Mendes:
Someone save me from this wrestler dude!
Kylo Ren:
Now you’ll learn the power of the Dark Side
Shawn Mendes:
Don’t tell me my ex also sent you
Kylo Ren:
That’s right
Remember
On this past Christmas Day
You got her nothing, now you must pay
Instead you got that dumb jacket!
Shawn Mendes:
Hey I look badass in it
Kylo Ren:
How dare you be so selfish
Shawn Mendes:
Ouch! Stop That!
She was being a bitch!
Kylo Ren:
You see the power of The Force now
Shawn Mendes:
Who’s poking my ass? Ow!
Harry Potter:
‘Twas me Harry Potter
Your ex girlfriend is my witch daughter
I’m gonna
Take my broom from Quidditch
And beat your butt with it!
Cupid:
Valentine Day’s coming
Got to turn this pain to loving
This brutal violence is senseless
I must save Shawn Mendes