Lyrics Jon Lajoie – Cold Blooded Christmas

It was late at night on christmas eve
I was dreaming of the soft white snow (white snow)
I was awoken by a noise near the christmas tree
What it was I did not know

It was santa claus, he was bringing me some gifts
Unfortunately I did not know that (I didn’t know)
So I quietly snuck up behind him
and I shot him five times in the back

It went «bow, bow, bow, bow, bow»
He said «what the fuck — ow, ow, ow»
Then I shot him three more times in the head
Pieces of his brain flew out and he was dead

That’s when I noticed his blood-soaked beard
And his red suit filled with bullet holes (oh, oh)
I said «Oh my god, I killed santa claus —
I’m not going to jail for this asshole» (Hell no)

So I went do my shed and I got my saw
And I started to chopedy, chop, chop (chop, chop, chop)
I started with his arms, then his legs, then his head
and then the torso was a really long job

And the blood went spurt, spurt, spurt
It was really hard work, work, work
It was hard cutting through his spine
I must have vomited 16 times

I burned all the pieces in my fireplace
The smell of burning human flesh filled my nose
11 hours later there was nothing left
then thats when I heared my telephone

It was aunty Gene looking for uncle Bob
She said he left the house dressed as santa claus