Текст Jon Cozart – Star Wars In 99 Seconds

Prologue:

Long, long time ago, long time ago in a galaxy
Far in a galaxy, far far away

Episode I: The Phantom Menace

There once was a boy slave destined to save space
He wins a big pod race and hits on a queen
Padmé’s a cougar
Qui gets killed by Darth Maul who is then chopped in half
Obi-Wan must train the one from Tatooine

Episode II: Attack of the Clones

It’s the clone age, sand people rampage
Mommy got flayed, strayed
Ani’s bae is Padmé

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

(Anakin vs. Obi-Wan and Yoda versus Sidious and Grievous versus Obi-Wan, you’re breaking my heart)
Anakin you are breaking my heart
Order is made, Jedi are slain
Kill all the baby tiny younglings
Sid takes the throne, Long live the clones
Burn Ani, turn him to a robo

Episode IV: A New Hope

Leia hides plans, Vader chokes a man
Alderaan’s gone and Han shoots first
You’re my only hopie Obi-Wan
Look, a small moon
That’s a space ship
Worshipfulness, walking carpet
This princess better pay out
Use the force, Luke
Close your eyes and shoot

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Lando betrays Han and friends in the sky
Skywalker flies, do or don’t, there’s no try
Try the dark side
No! No, no! No!
Luke, I’m your daddykins
(what?!)
Your mom was kissing Anakin
(ew.)
Han’s frozen
I love you
I know

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

It’s father, son and daughter
A dynasty united at last
The galaxy is free from evil
Thanks to the goodness in Darth from the past