Текст MC Lars – The Roommate From Hell

Nate the RA
Hey! Welcome to Mirrielees orientation.
My name’s Nate, and I’ll be your RA for this year. Today,
we’ll be moving into our dorms and building community.

He was the roommate from Hell!
He was the roommate from Hell!

MC Lars
Satan was my roommate, so junior year was Hell
He lacked social skills and had a pungent smell
When your roommate is the devil, it can be extremely whack
Putting posters on the wall, of Trapt and Nickelback
Until the break of dawn he’d be mutilating sheep
«It’s 4 a.m. Satan, can you please go to sleep?»
I can’t have girls over when the dorm smells like sterno
When did room 56 become Dante’s inferno?
He likes death and destruction, I like radio and art,
He likes holding down Christians and reading Jean Paul Sartre
While I’m going to class studying my notes
He’s eating baby fetuses and sacrificing goats
He tricks the freshman girls into eating apples
Holding black masses down at the Campus Chapel
Should have never moved in, wish I were dead
Should have found a place off campus on Craig’s List instead

CHORUS
He was the roommate from Hell. His name was Lucifer
Someone call a priest. And bring the crucifer
He was the roommate from Hell. Leaves his pitchfork in my bed
I’m in a satanic panic. ‘Cause he is messing with my head

MC Chris
Yo, pass that giant balloon of helium over here, yo.
Lars
Okay, but wait, Satan that’s too much!
MC Chris
Boy you need a bitch
Not my fault we’re mismatched
You geek out over Beakman’s World,
I dig on World of WitchCraft
You’re thinking that I’m riff raff, huffing on a dishrag
I am just a player, play Slayer then I kick back
I know I reek of sulfur, leave the shower curtain open
I come home drunk, make crank calls
To Queens and then Hoboken
But college is like Salem, all these bitches be so smokin’
If you’re thinking that I’m leaving
Then I’m thinking that you’re jokin’!
I gotta share my bunk with this post-punk chump
Calls this place a dump says, «You’ve been through all my stuff,
I wish you’d go to Hell.» I say, «Hey that’s where I’m from!»
Blasts Death Cab and Devo he’s too emo to get crunk
I was a very nice boss down in Paradise Lost
I had very nice bling ’cause my minions mind floss
To hell with college, this is knowledge at a very high cost
Gotta go do some blow with that ho… Kate Moss!

REPEAT CHORUS
MC Chris
Lars you’re causing laughter
When you call yourself a rapper, dude,
How many Dead Milkman albums
Are there named after you?
I always got beer. I always got weed. Best roommate ever.
If you’d ever ask me!