Текст Shane Dawson – 82 (Spoof Of 22 By Taylor Swift)

I’m sick of those pretty boys
Checkin’ their mirrors
Waxin’ their ball hairs
(Uh-ah, uh-oh)

I’m sick of those rocker boys
They’re always cheatin’
With girls who are younger
(Uh-ah, uh-oh)

Yeah!
A guy who won’t talk shit about me on Twitter
Cause he don’t know what the fuck that is
Oh, yeah!
I’m lookin’ for a guy who has some experience tonight
Uh-oh

Hey!
I’m sick of young dudes
I wanna guy who’s 82
He can put up with me
Cause he served in World War 2

He thinks I can sing
Cause he’s got real bad hearing
He’s a little racist
So I gotta hide my black friends from him

He’s 82, oooh
He’s 82, oooh oooh oooh

Chill out with his old friends
Shitting in our Depends
Takin’ medications
(Uh-ah, uh-oh)

Yeah!

I’m sick of young dudes
I wanna guy who’s 82
He has so many age spots
I thought they were tattoos

His family can’t hate me
Cause they’re all R I P
When we have sex he screams
«Bitch who’s your Granddaddy?»

Cause he’s 82, oooh
82, oooh oooh oooh

Yeah!

Aunt Hilda
There’s that bitch that stole our husbands
Taylor and Larry

gasp
Aunt Hilda
Let’s kill her!
Old ladies
Yeah!

We’ll get beat up by women who are 82
Holy shit there’s blood everywhere
That Asian one knows kung-fu

It feels like one of those nights
We got our ass kicked
It feels like one of those nights
I lost my vision

It feels like one of those nights
Internal bleeding
My legs lost feeling
I’m sick of fighting

Aunt Hilda
Oh, why? You too scared to die, bitch?
Taylor
Larry is an adult. Let’s let him decide who he wants to be with.
Aunt Hilda
Ugh, fine! Who do you want to be with, Larry?
Larry
I-I-I. I ch-ch-ch-chchoose…
dies
Aunt Hilda

gasp
Taylor
Oh my God!
Aunt Hilda
Taylor! Did you not give him his 8 o’clock heart pill?
Taylor
8 o’clock heart pill? Ugh, that sounds like so much responsibility.
Aunt Hilda
Ugh, it really is.
Taylor
Hashtag, no, thank you.
Aunt Hilda
Hashtag, I agree girlfriend.
Taylor
Hashtag, you’re kinda cute.
Aunt Hilda
Hashtag, I’m not a monkey, but I’ll swing that way
Taylor
Hashtag, I don’t really know what you mean about the monkey thing, but hashtag, I’m in.
Aunt Hilda

excited gasp

Hey!
Sick of guys like him,
Let’s just be lesbian
Enough of this silly fighting,
Let’s get to scissoring

Screw all these stupid guys,
Let’s have a good time
Screw all these stupid guys,
Let’s go out tonight

Screw all these stupid guys,
I’ll give girls a try
Let’s have a good time
Let’s have a good time!

Taylor and Aunt Hilda

Sloppy make out noises

Taylor
Ah! I forgot to tell you, I have herpes.
Aunt Hilda
Hey! So do I!