Lyrics Crazy Ex–Girlfriend Cast – Greg’s Drinking Song

Greg:
Gather ye ’round and I’ll tell you a tale
Of all the great times I’ve had with an ale
There’s joy and there’s glory, more than you can think

I pee my pants! my pants! I pee my pants
I get up from the bar to find pee on my pants!
I say it’s water, but all it takes is a glance
For people to realize I peed my pants!

White Josh:
Wow, I did not know it was that bad

Greg:
Yes, wine can be fun — white, rosé and red
‘Till I call up my boss to say I wish he was dead
Chase down the regret with some gin for good luck
Then steal my cousin Jim’s landscaping truck

Drive home then
I puke on my cat, my cat! I puke on my cat
I fall through the doorway and puke on my cat
Poor little Bruno did not expect that
I try for the toilet but puke on my cat!

While some can enjoy a scotch with a steak
Or one glass of wine, then they’re barely awake
For me it’s much different what happens when
I try to have one, it just turns into ten
And then…

I fly a plane, a plane! I fly a plane
I knock on the cockpit shouting, «I’ll fly this plane!»
We emergency landed, the TSA came
Now I’m banned from southwest ’cause I try to fly planes!

Everybody!

All men, except Greg:
He has sex with a bush, a bush! he has sex with a bush!

Greg:
That wasn’t a woman?

All men, except Greg:
No it was a bush!
It had twigs and leaves ’cause it was a bush!

Greg:
That’s where that scar comes from!

All men, except Greg:
From sexing a bush!

But he’s breaking the cycle and making a push!
He’s quitting his drinking
And saving his pants and his cat and southwest and Jim’s truck

Hector:
And my car

White Josh:
My car too!

All men:
And a bush!