Текст Bart Baker – Stitches Parody

Shawn Mendes:
I am pretty and 17
I have no clue what heartbreak even means
But I made this song about it

What was that?
It felt like I just got punched

Mysterious voice:
Your Ex-Girlfriend sent me to kick your butt!
She said make sure he needs to get stitched up

Shawn Mendes:
That hurts!

She took this song too literally
I meant stitches metaphorically
Wasn’t it enough that she left me?
Now she wants me to bleed
Who is that hitting me?

Mysterious voice:
Here’s a clue
I say «You can’t see me!»
I wrestle men in big arenas

Shawn Mendes:
Um, are your John Cena?

John Cena:
Yep!

Shawn Mendes:
What did I do to deserve this?

John Cena:
On her birthday you got her nothing you dick!
Instead you got yourself this car!

Shawn Mendes:
I needed to look more badass

John Cena:
And that’s why I’m kicking your ass!

Shawn Mendes:
Someone save me from this wrestler dude!

Kylo Ren:
Now you’ll learn the power of the Dark Side

Shawn Mendes:
Don’t tell me my ex also sent you

Kylo Ren:
That’s right
Remember
On this past Christmas Day
You got her nothing, now you must pay
Instead you got that dumb jacket!

Shawn Mendes:
Hey I look badass in it

Kylo Ren:
How dare you be so selfish

Shawn Mendes:
Ouch! Stop That!
She was being a bitch!

Kylo Ren:
You see the power of The Force now

Shawn Mendes:
Who’s poking my ass? Ow!

Harry Potter:
‘Twas me Harry Potter
Your ex girlfriend is my witch daughter
I’m gonna
Take my broom from Quidditch
And beat your butt with it!

Cupid:
Valentine Day’s coming
Got to turn this pain to loving
This brutal violence is senseless
I must save Shawn Mendes