Текст Crazy Ex–Girlfriend Cast – Cold Showers

Rebecca:
There’s nothing I love more in life
Than a scalding hot shower
It’s the symbol of human dignity

But where are your toddlers gonna float their boats
If all you have is cold H₂O?
That’s two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen
And zero parts justice!

Paula:
Now I know you’re thinking
«What are you talking about?
Go away, this is private property!»

Darryl:
Well, before we leave, ladies and gents
Allow me to set the scene: Ima…

Man:
Yeah, I don’t live here

Darryl:
Oh

Rebecca:
Imagine your kids taking a shower before they go to school
They douse their skin with ice cold water
A huge shock to their little systems
At first it’s downright unpleasant, but then
It gets them wired in a way they’ve never felt

So your son’s on coke, your daughter’s pregnant
And your husband’s probably having an affair
Apocalypse!
Just like the movie I am legend
But not like that at all

No hot water
Which means cold showers
Next thing you know
Your kids will be on crack

Darryl:
No hot water

Paula:
Which means cold showers!

Rebecca:
Which everyone knows
Is the gateway drug to crack
Crack, crack, crack

Tenants:
Crack, crack, crack, crack…

Rebecca:
Now, it’s not just about the hot water, folks
If this landlord isn’t taking one measly hour out of his day to fix your showers, then what’s this scumbag doing with all your hard earned cash?
He’s taking it and blowing it in a hand of pai gow at the Indian casino!

He’s fat-catting it at fancy restaurants like the olive garden

And red lobster!
Gasp is right!
That’s gasp with an uppercase G
That ends with a P the first letter in pool!

Tenants:
No hot water

Paula:
No hot water

Tenants:
Which means cold showers

Rebecca:
Next thing you know your kids will be on crack!

Tenants:
This makes sense!

Rebecca & Tenants:
No hot water
Means cold, cold showers
And cold showers are the gateway drug
To crack
Cold water is drugs!
Yeah!