Текст Hotel Books – I Always Thought I Would Be Okay

I tried to capture my emotions on paper
And I was told that I was misdirected,
But maybe my mindset has just been infected
By this pain-infested re-appropriation

‘Cause part of my heart followed me when I finally moved out,
But I still feel most connected to it when I go back home.
She’s now just a three-year memory of being addicted to caffeine
And praying I could tell her all the things I planned on saying.

And the coffee stains in my journal are a reminder of when I pushed myself into depression.
It’s funny how artistic we become when our hearts are broken.

And the most sense I can make of this world
Has slowly transformed
Itself from being ink in my pen
To being the pain in my heart and my head.

And I never meant to write words that would make people feel like crying,
I just never wanted to write a single word where I was lying.

And I have slowly tapped the brakes on working
And pushed my foot down on letting go.
And somehow I still don’t know
If this method is even working.

I just pray that people can find hope in the stories that I’m telling
‘Cause the things that got me focused on hope
Were her smile and that beautiful California weather,
But now that the winter storms have had their way with my sunshine,
I feel like I don’t have anything left.

I feel like I can’t believe in power without that intoxicating reminder
That this could all be another thing I’m believing
Just because I’m sick of feeling empty and alone.

Or maybe I’m just once again resorting to my pathetic need

But then out of nowhere,
When I finally feel at peace
And make sense of all these things,
It’s in that moment
That I miss everybody who ever loved me.

But somehow the weather feels more sunny,
And the water in this river keeping my mind watered is finally running,
And flowing, and livestock is growing,
My heart is showing,
My heart is glowing.

So why do I still feel so lonely?
Maybe because the words I put on paper
Are not filling up my heart,
And it’s still empty.

And darling,
I promise I meant it when I said I wanted you to be happy.
I just didn’t want you to be happier than me.
But I guess I’m just not that lucky.

And this pain may not be escaping,
And I may still be hurting,
But that’s OK,
Because at least I’m living.

And I can see that some day it will be ending,
Even if it’s not today,
I know I’ll be set free.

So forgive me.
I’m usually much more encouraging,
But until then
Just promise me you won’t leave.

‘Cause my heart may feel empty,
But every time I tell myself I’m alone,
I know that I’m just lying.

‘Cause even though my heart feels empty,
The walls hold photos of beautiful memories.
And if I hurt so bad now,
I guess it’s just a friendly reminder that I’m still breathing.

And she may not still be next to me,
But this hurt cuts deep and still remembers to visit me.

So, heartache,
Thank you for still believing in me.
You’re not a problem,
You’re my sanity.
And I love you for it.